I often imagine how other families deal with challenges. What do you do when your kid gets sick and you have to work? What do you do when the cost of childcare is more than what you as an individual make? How do you get all the laundry done?
I have little windows of understanding but mostly I am still left wondering how other people do the things. Do people cry as much in the bathtub as I do? Do people think about other people crying in the bathtub as much as I do? I kind of hope people cry in the bathtub so I wouldn’t be the only one but that’s pretty fucked up to want. Maybe I’m a sociopath?
My brain goes at 100mph is weird directions. Especially under stress. I have never been so rapid fire funny as when I was giving birth to my kids. I was cracking jokes like my life depended on it. Because in a way it was. I was dying on the inside from stress, worry and physical pain. Instead of looking inward for strength and zen birthing from within whatever that is to push through. I look at the nurse who is a stranger and I make it my personal mission to make this person laugh. If I can get that I will feel good. If I feel good about that things must be good. Forever and ever Amen.
Charm and humor will get you far and people will want you around at parties. But in the day to day grind it’s not so hot. When there is no one but a dog and a sick 5 year to make laugh you up are up shit creek coping mechanism wise.
 |
| Here I am 8 years ago meeting 10lb Calvin for the first time. I don't remember this or several hours after because I was bleeding out on the table and I was in and out of consciousness. I didn't mention it because I didn't want to be a buzz kill or make more work for the nurses. Messed up. |
Comments
Post a Comment